Right here, right now is the best place to be, whatever it holds, it is the key.
When I slow down and allow myself to feel whatever I feel, I know I am on the right path. It can be uncomfortable, more than uncomfortable at times. I want to escape and distract myself, avoiding my emotions. Yet those emotions are my guiding light. Strangely, but very true, the discomfort I try to avoid grows and grows in odd ways when I don't turn to it for guidance. It increasingly gets in my way, and I find myself tripping over it and going round in circles. Falling over it, over and over again until I give in and stop to ask myself "What is going on here?"
It's me. It's who I am in those moments and revels so much that it is hard to explain especially since my feelings often flicker and change from moment to moment.
I learn more about who I am and what I need, in those moments. I learn to be true to myself and accept the truth of my present situation. Lately, it has been tinged with sadness and a big chunk of thick treacle that keeps me feeling stuck. There are a lot of changes looming, but for all the will in the world, I cannot move things forward. It's all out of my hands and no amount of frustration and annoyance will change the seemingly never-ending waiting game. All I can do is accept and give in to this and let things happen when they are good and ready.
I'm not pretending that I totally get who I am because I don't. I'm complicated, I am confusing, contradictory, and more than a little befuggled about life at times. I am so organised in some aspects of my daily life yet less so in other aspects.
But in those moments, I stop comparing myself to everyone else, I stop comparing myself to who I was last year, 10 seconds ago or who I want to be in a year or two or who I feel I should be. I just sit with myself and allow myself to be me. Giving myself empathy, in those moments. No judgement, no trying to unravel the mystery or plotting how to get out of the feelings I am experiencing.
My point is. It's ok to feel sad, angry, tearful, overwhelmed, bored, restless, happy, joyful, excited. It's ok to feel whatever you are feeling but sitting with those emotions will allow you to experience them, understand them and appreciate the message they are saying. You are being real, being true and most importantly you are experiencing your life as it really is.
We so often feel we should be strong, fearless, able and on top of everything and go around in a bubble pretending it's all ok. Yet, we feel very different inside. I am not here to make your life perfect, for you to be the walking, talking perfection personified, to meet all the demands and expectations placed on your shoulders. That would make me sad. My job is to listen to you and help you connect with all those feelings and be real. Be perfectly imperfect and feel alive.