Life Coaching                            Counselling

 

 

The Elephant in the Room

I was asked today, "Should I ignore the elephant in the room or say something?"

 

I replied "Who's is it? Who does the elephant belong to?" 

 

Confused?

 

It was an interesting conversation about elephants and how best to stop them getting into the room in the first place and how to manage other peoples elephants. 

 

Even talked about flying elephants, at one point.

 

It did make sense, honestly but I didn't expect to be talking elephants.

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 At times in my life, I think, I had a herd of elephants in the room and managing them was near on impossible.

 

Learning to tune into your intuition, you know that gut wrenching feeling you get, when something isn't right or indeed can also mean is so right for you will change the ball game big time.

 

We tend to ignore it, often becoming more aware of it, when the opportunity has passed, "Ah damn it, I just knew it" moments. But when we learn to put down our defenses, be true to ourselves, we can unravel the mystery of who's elephant it is and how to take back control of our own, if need be. 

 

When we learn to understand ourselves better, check in on how we are feeling regularly we become very aware of our own part in our relationships and that allows us to separate our own emotional responses from others emotions and trust our intuition.   It doesn't give us a logical reason but it can guide us. We rely heavily on our understanding/interpretation of events and ignore our strongest gift which when you realise that most human communication is via our body language,  eyes and pitch/tone of voice rather than the words that we utter, you begin to appreciate we are responding more to the unsaid than the said. 

 

I think we tend to react too quickly and the pace picks up without allowing ourselves the time and space to process everything but we can control that and it is a skill that is very easy to pick up and will serve you well.

 

Part of that process is living in the present moment.  Responding to the current situation without bringing past or future concerns to the table.  Responding from a place of love, kindness, and respect, with a focus on creating the best possible outcome from what we are presented with.  That could mean deciding to say nothing or walking away or keeping the conversation held at a comfortable level until you receive more information to decide on what's best.

 

I would also say that knowing your own personal boundaries and having a good sense of your own moral standards contributes well to the pot of tools whilst remembering we all experience the world differently, there is no such thing as reality.  Our perception of the situation is purely based on our emotional state and our wonderfully unique library of information (brain). We respond based on our interpretation of the situation, taking things to heart and evaluating it based on our knowledge not on the other person's perception/knowledge. We try to fix things for them, judge or take the blame forgetting that we are only accountable/responsible for our own reactions/choices and not theirs. 

 

We become the puppet having our strings pulled or become the puppeteer.  

 

Have I really gone from talking elephants to puppets? -  it appears so but I will explain that in another blog me thinks.

 

The word 'agenda' is bounced around the psychology world and that certainly plays a part too.  Agenda meaning the personal goals, expectations of the relationship. i.e. a salesperson's aim is to sell something to you and part of successfully achieving that is being polite to you and promoting the product/service in its best possible light.  They may have our best interest in mind or may not. We all have an agenda of some description or another but the art is creating a balanced relationship, knowing what each person's agenda is and making sure the relationship is respectful of each person's needs and is for everyone's best interest and ultimately, doing no harm or as little harm as possible.

 

When we become aware of our 6th sense,  and use it to our advantage, we are best able to identify the elephant's owner, bring it to their attention if appropriate or just leave it for them to deal with when they are ready. 

 

Coaching only focuses on you and not others but the more you work on your own self - development the more you find the world around you changes for the better without you trying to influence it.

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with Nicky Vallance

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